Thanks to numerous YouTubers and B3tans for the source footage. Big up 2pac.


Dear David,

So you’re taking the reins from Labour – just don’t handle them with force, or Lady Britannia could fall from her horse. Not all of us are sure whether you’re the right fellow to weather us to port in this storm; although I’m sure that when Gordon was brought in we’d have been better off trying to talk to a wall.

You wanted to be seen as the man down the street – now you’re the man in Downing Street. I’m not asking you to live in a glass house but we’d be glad to see a bit of transparency. Thatcher’s been and smashed the glass roof, but now you’ve got a grass roof – the thatcher’s been. You better watch it doesn’t catch a beam from the grassroots camera’s gleam because the heat’s on. These days when a scandal’s seen it’s like there’s no smoke without fire, matches please. People are fed up and hate being treated as second rate – they’re ready to see a head on a plate. That’s not me by the way, we’d get on as mates, but I’m just saying be ready to take it.

That’s just the way that it is. That’s just the way it is. Things’ll never be the same. That’s just the way it is. Yep.

I see no changes, all I see is eighties faces made up with a public relations facelift. And when Cameron’s on camera he makes it easy to see his patriot’s bracelet. Can you blame our aversion to another Tony Blair: version two? You’re the person who’s serving us so we deserve a dude we can trust, but you Tories talk about big society – I thought there was no such thing as society. Thatcher’s plans for taxes stank, so let’s not go back to that; but right now, the bankers are laughing right back to the bank and it’s tragic.

MPs need to stop spending expenses on mending expensive fences, it’s offensive to the senses. When it comes down to cash incentives, it’s senseless how you splash out. But the comments about class are comments without class, there’s not a doubt about that. People who need heating don’t give a bleep whether you’ve been to Eton – they just want you keep them from freezing. In the bleakest seasons it seems to me that we’re being cheated. When we see the sleaze who do we believe in? You need to rethink your reasons.

See, we need a leader, not a devious speaker eager to keep secrets beneath a veneer. Keeping people in fear for your career isn’t the reason you’re here. I need to to be clear: we want someone that’ll live up to his promises, not rhetorical oratory delivered from his orifice. I know it’s difficult in politics to run an honest ship, there’s a lot of bollocks and a lot of spin. To be honest it’s an honour list of onanists more bothered with their image than the problems of the populace, but I promise this: if you stop grinning and make it your mission to take criticism on the chin, you’ll have the confidences of a lot who think that we’re on the brink of an apocalypse.

Let’s stay positive. That’s just the way it is. It can’t be that bad. Things’ll never be the same. It probably can be that bad, but that’s just the way it is. That’s just the way it is.