BBC 6 and the Asian Network are the only two national stations that have played my music – and they’re both facing the chop.

Written and performed by Dan Bull, produced by Zaheer.


Dear Auntie Beeb,

Don’t take away our radio. We need a place – a place to go, where we can play our favourite shows. Don’t take away our radio.

When I first heard the word about BBC 6 I thought, “this is absurd, is the BBC sick?” It rocked the airwaves enough to keep me seasick, but it’s the first to get sunk – can we believe it? And I thought pirates were meant to be the problem, but obviously not ’cause your lot’s already got some. Doctor, doctor, what’s your option; what are you going to drop from the roster to cost cut?

The Asian Network plays the best work of a strain of the nation that strains to get heard, and now you’re severing the nerves of a massive demographic. It’s not a very clever tactic, is it? The last bastions of unsigned action, independents depend on it for traction. Ask Lamacq or Bobby Friction for his reaction – my prediction isn’t one of satisfaction. Do the maths, it’s a simple subtraction: take away the stations and you chase away the talent.

Listening figures isn’t your biggest purpose, it’s first and foremost to provide public service. I’m not saying other stations are worthless, but adverts are adverse and make me nervous. We deserve to have a say in what we’d like to see – I mean after all, we pay the licence fee.

Don’t take away our favourite shows. Don’t take away our radio. Don’t take away our favourite shows. Don’t take away our radio.

You need to appeal to the people that feel John Peel, and want to keep it real. So please, pretty Beeb, we appeal for a new deal – we’d be pleased if the spiel was repealed. D.B. sees what’s needed to escape from the danger zone: more DAB radios in the nation’s homes. The audience is there, they just need connecting, in the same way your arrangement needs correcting.

Next thing on the list that’s vexing bloody everybody is you spending money like it’s never ending. Even a yellow bellied Teletubby could tell us it’s crazy, Laa-Laa; Lady Gaga. Pay me half of what you pay to Clarkson – I’ll be laughing like I can’t keep a straight face, straight up. If there’s a budgetary deficit to make up, then wake up and give Big Jeremy a pay cut.

Don’t take away our favourite shows. Don’t take away our radio. Don’t take away our favourite shows. Don’t take away our radio.

There’s enough talent out here for like forty channels, but we only get to hear the top forty sellers. You’re running it like Basil does to Fawlty Towers – literally – ask Andrew Sachs, he could talk for hours about how he was pushed about as Manuel, then Johnny Ross and Russell Brand did it as well. Man, Johnny Rotten wouldn’t slag the living Hell out of an old man’s grandkid on his cell. Well, if Russell Brand and the six million dollar man are the cream of the crop then you can hang the DJ.

  • Radio 1 – sweet for teenagers
  • Radio 2 – great if you’re really ancient
  • Radio 3 – for those of a refined taste
  • Radio 4 – all talking and giant brains
  • Radio 5 – only sport fans are tuned in
  • Radio 6 – it’s the music we’re losing

Don’t take away our radio. We will complain until you know it’s a mistake – I’m afraid so. Don’t take away our radio.