Update on my health and state of mind, and a decision to give things another push
Christ, it’s been tough. As evidenced by my previous sporadic journal entries and the yawning chasmic spaces between them, I have not been particularly productive. In fact I’ve been fucking depressed as fuck. The goalposts of my health keep moving, and as such I can never acclimatise to them. The fact that the illness(es) I have are the ones specifically targeting my ability to create music is a real shit too. But I don’t feel any better for having hibernated and sulked for the past few weeks (months?) either. I get to do some of the things I enjoy – hours of gaming a day; films; sleep – but everything feels hollow and meaningless as the days slip by. I have to do SOMETHING. Whether it be “stop feeling sorry for yourself” (Stephen Fry), “keep on keeping on” (my dad), or “man up, you prick” (me), I have got to keep the ship moving forward, at however glacial a pace.
Therefore, although I’m no better physically, I have steeled myself to get back on track and at least have the vessel of my career facing in the right direction ready for the new year, regardless of how arduous and sluggish its journey may turn out to be. Today will be about making preparations to get back into some semblance of a work routine, and to tie up some of the loose threads that have been tickling my ears for too long now.
Small steps. Any steps. Just move. Do what living things do. Survive.
One foot in front of the other, Dan. Sometimes, it’s all you can do. Look after yourself first.
All the best,
Mark
It’s good to hear that you are making progress and trying to push past the issues stopping you from doing what you love.
Hope that you’re doing better soon.
Donald.
push Dan push!
Dear Dan Bull,
It pains me and most likely everyone else to see you this way, we all love your raps and I know that every one of your subscribers can’t wait to see what wonders of rap you produce next. I honestly cannot try and comfort you as I have no experience with what you are going through and I shouldn’t give advice in areas I am not completely 100%. However I would like to remind you that you brighten everyone’s day with every new song you release and every view you have represents one person you have brought joy too. That’s 121,740,413 people you have brought joy too and counting.
You’re going through a tough time right now but you will come out stronger on the other side and although my words may provide little comfort or consolation for the pain you are feeling I do hope that you will get better soon
From William Trewartha-Jones (loyal subscriber and lover of brilliant, funny rap)
We love you, Dan Bull. And as a writer for whom depression itself is my own creativity-killing syndrome, I feel for you, brother.
You have friends, mate, all over the world.
Hang in there Dan , it’ll get better with time, try and focus on doing what you enjoy and are very good at! We are all behind you. Stay strong!
Hey dan,
I hope you continue to try and get back into the swing of things, different circumstances but trust me i know its tough.
We have actually spoken a couple times and its been the highlight of my year.
I hope you get better mate, do your best to stay positive and you know where to find me if you want to chat!
Sincerely, Brendan Rich
I know how you feel Dan me and you both we’re living the Fucking wars but happiness is a choice you make and I choose to be happy with all this bullshit that I’ve got going on medically besides doesn’t it bring you a little knowing your silly antics bring a smile to thousands of peoples faces
It probably started with an infection of the Eustachian tube leading to pressure behind the eardrum. Got the same thing a few weeks ago. Normally you have to start right away with antibiotic medication. Because the pressure can damage your eardrums from the inside. I honestly do not know how bad this could get and if it is possible to become chronic. But during the process the eardrum is red and curved to the outside. The only way to tell if something is wrong just by locking at the eardrums is comparing their state. If both looked identicaly bad the doc might not have been able to see the problem. Just because they both looked similar.
I’m sorry for my terrible English. I’m not a native speaker and I hope you will get well soon!