World of Tanks rap

KingAlphyn says:

Okay, I think I’ve got this one. I’m using only the tanks present in World of Tanks, some of which are partially fictional or never got off of paper in real life.

You’re no OBJECT
Though you claim you’re HEAVYweight like Tyson
NASHORN now let me change your mind
BISON go away because I say so
KE HO and stay in focus

or you’ll face a plague of LOCUSTS
CRUSADER over your terrain til you’re run over
LORRAINE is soaking us
making progress slow as a TORTOISE
time to… dangerous waters so call a PRIEST

It’s actually urgent observe the PATTON emerging
and learn the lesson kaiser franz FERDINAND didn’t learn
I’m a HELLCAT
A mashup of a PANTHER
And Samuel L JACKSON in shaft

With a BIRCH GUN, I’m the real deal though not just a nice actor
TYPE cast to plough up the ground
LEICHTRAKTOR
I’m a TIGER
You’re a MAUS

All up in my GRILLE so if you don’t wanna be killed then you best get out
I drive a WESPE, you drive a Vespe (both mean wasp, incidentally)
When I tell you to be my VALENTINE you reply yessir
I’ll bet you can’t even invent a pun for HETZER
Well nor can I… I’m absolutely SHERMAN

I’m CHURCHILL
meets CROMWELL
With a dash of WOLVERINE
Smash and pulverize you into smithereens jaunty LEE
CHI NU

Keep a CHI RI demeanor
Follow the COVENANT
I am a LEOPARD
You’re a CHI TO
Without the CUNNINGHAM

HUMMEL lullabye
Put out your LIGHTs
You’re out of LUCHS son
You’re an alpha PROTOTYPE
I’ve got more RAM II, use it to ram you

You DICKERMAX ed out what my contraption can do
you’re STUART little,
I’m bigger I’m better I MARDER II
You’re CRUISER for a bruising
SPORT (explanation at bottom)

My team are BISHOPS
Yours are weedy VICKERS
I’m a COMBAT CARdinal
CONQUEROR
COMET

Aw Bleh SU peed your knickers

That comes out to 51… So either one of these wasn’t meant to be a pun (Heavy, maybe? Or else “SPORT” was a bonus reference to the T-62 SPORT or the CHAFFEE SPORT, which were both introduced for a limited time for special-event game modes (soccer and racing respectively).?

Credentials: I’ve been playing WoT for 3 years, running a clan for 2.5 of those years. I’m up to 31,000 battles played, just so you understand how much of a loser I am. 😉