MORE symptoms have started now! Fantastic!
The past few days / weeks (what’s the difference now?) have been living hell for me. As well as my existing plethora of symptoms I seem to have developed what I am fairly certain is a combination of hyperacusis and tensor tympani syndrome in my right ear. Ironically this is what that cunt doctor who couldn’t be arsed to examine or diagnose me properly at the beginning lazily suggested I had. I knew I didn’t have it at the time and now I’m even more certain, because now I DO fucking have it. Fucking hell. The ironic SHIT that nature throws at my physical health honestly feels like Sheogorath is testing my fucking breaking point, it really does. Anyway, any sudden sound above the level of a shrew causes my ear to flinch and flutter (presumably the tensor typmani muscle) and me to jump like a little baby. I am a total wreck now. I don’t want to get up, to eat, to sleep, to work, to play, I just want to be unconscious. Waking up is misery as my consciousness is thrust back into this creaking, rattling vessel once more – the only relief is knowing that eventually I will become tired and drift away once more. Death no longer feels like something to be feared or delayed, but a welcome, sweet relief. It shouldn’t be like this. Fuck you.
Anyway, just as an experiment more than anything, as by sheer chance I’ve woken up at a relatively human time today (6.30am, anyone?), I have decided to see how productive I can be in the face of all this bollocks, and whether I feel any better at the end of it than I have for the last couple of weeks. Wish me luck! Haha! Yay! CUUUUUUUUUUNTS (not you, I’m just venting my endless rage in a pointless direction). Please appreciate your health while you have it.
