My Vine story… or what happens when you choose self over health
RIGHT, let me tell you what just happened, that means I hate Vine, and also that I’m an absolute dickhead.
— Dan Bull (@itsDanBull) July 29, 2016
I was just replacing some staplers in my stapler. I clipped the stapler shut with my finger inside it and got a staple embedded in my finger
— Dan Bull (@itsDanBull) July 29, 2016
Instead of doing what a normal person would – removing the staple and administering some kind of first aid, I thought “this is a Vine!”
— Dan Bull (@itsDanBull) July 29, 2016
With the staple still embedded in my finger, I pulled out my phone and one-handedly opened up the Vine app.
— Dan Bull (@itsDanBull) July 29, 2016
The plan was to pull out the staple from my finger while filming it on Vine. But then I realised there was a problem.
— Dan Bull (@itsDanBull) July 29, 2016
To record video on Vine you have to hold your finger down on the screen. But I couldn’t because THERE WAS A STAPLE IN IT.
— Dan Bull (@itsDanBull) July 29, 2016
My brain then got stuck in a cycle of “pull out the staple, then you can use your finger to press record, and film yourself pulling it out”
— Dan Bull (@itsDanBull) July 29, 2016
It was then I realised that instead of a finger, I might be able to use a toe to press record. So, now barefoot, I squatted over my phone.
— Dan Bull (@itsDanBull) July 29, 2016
With a staple protruding from one finger, my other hand ready to yank it out, and my toe hovering over the phone camera beneath me, I began.
— Dan Bull (@itsDanBull) July 29, 2016
I pushed my foot onto the phone camera, grabbed hold of the staple and wincing, tugged it back out of my finger.
— Dan Bull (@itsDanBull) July 29, 2016
It turns out that pulling a staple out of your finger is actually more painful than putting a staple in your finger. I lost my balance.
— Dan Bull (@itsDanBull) July 29, 2016
In order to regain balance I shifted my weight from one foot to another. Normally this works fine. However, I was now standing on my phone.
— Dan Bull (@itsDanBull) July 29, 2016
The last thing that my phone camera ever saw was me extracting a piece of stationery from my hand, toppling over and stamping out the screen
— Dan Bull (@itsDanBull) July 29, 2016
SHIT. This is a disaster, I thought. Then I thought “well other people might find my misfortune amusing, this could still be a great Vine!”
— Dan Bull (@itsDanBull) July 29, 2016
Through my cracked screen I pressed “next” on Vine ready to share the footage of my plight with you sadistic bastards.
— Dan Bull (@itsDanBull) July 29, 2016
“UNFORTUNATELY, VINE HAS STOPPED WORKING” FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU
— Dan Bull (@itsDanBull) July 29, 2016
I now have a puncture wound, a broken phone, and tetanus, probably. All because I chose 6 seconds of trivial fame over common fucking sense.
— Dan Bull (@itsDanBull) July 29, 2016
The moral of that story is don’t be a dickhead.
I’m off to get a tetanus jab and a new phone now, bye.— Dan Bull (@itsDanBull) July 29, 2016
